Deceitful Flattery

“People who flatter their friends
spread out a net for their feet”.  Prov. 29:5  CEB

The metaphor of “spreading a net” comes from the practice of using nets to capture prey.   So flattery in this verse is depicted as someone trying to capture another person.   The net is always spread so that the prey does not see it or suspect it is there.  That is referred to as “deceitful flattery”.

Proverbs 26:28 says, “A lying tongue hates those it crushes; a flattering mouth causes destruction”.  

Just what is the difference between honest praise and flattery?   

Is it wrong to say something good about someone else?    Certainly not, please do not misunderstand me on this point and stop giving honest praise.   Everyone needs to be encouraged and exhorted but not flattered to manipulate.

Webster defines flattery as: “To praise too much, untruly or insincerely.”

Interestingly, the word flattery comes from an old Icelandic word that meant, “To flatten or smooth by the patting of the hand”.   It was used to describe the smoothing of a bedspread.

If you have ever known someone who could “smooth over” someone’s “ruffled feathers,” you probably know one who is very good at flattery.   Sometimes such “smoothing over” is used when God would be more pleased if we would “speak the truth in love”.

The real issue behind flattery, of course, is the element of deceit.   Therein lays the difference between it and honest praise.  Flattery always has behind it a dishonest motive.   The kind of flattery Proverbs talks about is like bait with a hook in it. 

Just to mention a couple of places “bait” can show up:

It can be used in the relationship between the sexes and lead an unsuspecting person into adultery.

Flattery can also show up to lure a humble person into the trap of pride.

“Gold and silver are tested in a red-hot furnace, but we are tested by praise”    (Prov. 27:21 CEV).

Our ability (or lack thereof) to handle praise tells a revealing story about our character.   Flattery can be a pitfall for the person who leans toward unjustified pride.

Someone once said, “Flattery is to be used like perfume----smell it and enjoy it, but don’t swallow it.”

I am not sure that is good advice because the more we smell it, the more we are tempted to swallow it.   Perhaps the best advice is found in Romans 12:3: “…..not to think of yourselves more highly than you should.   Instead, your thoughts should lead you to use good judgment based on what God has given each of you as believers” (GW).

Honest praise is good!

Deceitful flattery is dangerous.   Watch out for it and avoid it in your own speech. 

“In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven”.  Matt. 5:16  GNT